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Oh Endometriosis, how do I hate thee?  There are countless ways.  Far too many to list.

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At the moment, I hate that I am still awake (painsomnia) after midnight on a Sunday night / Monday morning, when I have to be up in only a few short hours to start getting ready for another busy work week.
I worked 50 hours last week, and close to the same the week before, and my body is paying the price. I guess I can’t blame you for that, as I already know my limitations.

My hubby and I are going through some intense stress right now due to situations involving lawyers, the broken disability system, and doctors, which probably isn’t helping my pain levels.
I do thank you for staying away (for the most part) during the past few weeks, when I needed the ability to work and focus, especially since my evil ATN decided to morph into what feels like a migraine, in addition to the typical 24/7 pain that it has so generously provided for the past few years.

You also waited until after my Dad’s birthday dinner yesterday, so I was granted the opportunity to enjoy spending a little quality time with my parents.40c8c0662f5904301ba15b170abadcad

You probably know that I needed to work from home this weekend and I would have appreciated you allowing me the opportunity to do that, but I guess I can’t expect you to stay away forever since we are apparently bound for all eternity.

If I could ask of you one favor, it would be for you to ease up enough for me to get at least a little sleep tonight and make it to work tomorrow.

How much stress can a person endure before they start to break; physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically?

With every blessing or moment of progress and hope, it seems as though another pending disaster is on the horizon.

I have thrown myself into exercise lately because it is something I can control. A part of my life that I can reclaim and when I do it, I feel good, in many ways. It has been helping.

Despite that positive change, there are so many things that I cannot control and that is becoming obvious at this moment.

I’ve gone from feeling feeling strong, despite my pain, to feel feeling helpless and scared, once again.

I’m turning to Yoga and Qigong in an attempt to help. Hopefully they can eventually provide an outlet for my anguish so I can meditate through the destruction and ease this feeling of impending doom.

Maybe I will go to Unity Church tomorrow, where I take the Qigong classes. There are some crises and burdens that are to heavy to bear on our own. Sometimes I believe that only that only a higher power can help lift the heavy weight and help us carry it or help carry us when we can no longer carry ourselves.

I pushed myself today and it shows.  I have been stuck in a strange and unusually lengthy pain flare-up for well over a week now.  I missed some work last week but tried very, very hard to work as much as I could.  In doing so, my energy levels are depleted along with my endurance and ability to cope with the inevitable pain and fatigue.

Today was a tough day.  I collapsed in bed minutes after walking through the door upon arriving home from work yesterday.  I slept straight through the night until around 11:00 am this morning.  Not even 15 hours of sleep can eliminate my fatigue.  Ever.

We attended a memorial service for a good friend today.  It was sad but it was more of a celebration of his life and in that it was also lovely.  Afterwards we joined friends and family at a restaurant for food, drinks, and good company.  Going out is such a rarity for us, due to my hubby and I both struggling with constant pain, along with my crushing fatigue, and of course, financial constraints.  We had a great time but I was eventually reminded by my body that I was pushing myself too far.  My hubby was too.

First of all, I wore clothing that was much less comfortable than usual, complete with high-heeled shoes, which I almost NEVER wear.  I also wore normal dress pants, instead of the loose fitting yoga pants that I normally wear.  After a few hours of standing, walking around, and socializing, my abdominal pain took hold and we had to leave.

Since then, I have been on the couch with my heating pad and a bad case of swollen endo belly, complete with seemingly endless GI symptoms which have prevented me from going to sleep.  I tried once but that quickly ended about 10 trips to the bathroom ago.

I don’t regret any of it though.  We had a nice time and most importantly, we were able to support a friend, while paying respects to another.

💖 RIP Orlis 💖

Thank goodness tomorrow is Sunday so I don’t have to work because it may very well be day light before I can get some sleep.

I’m supposed to get a massage at 1:00 pm today.  I’ve been looking forward to it for days.  It’s one of the only things that eases my Atypical Trigeminal Neuralgia pain which seems to originate in my neck from Degenerative Disc Disease, or so my pain specialist believes.

I had to miss work yesterday and don’t feel any better today.

I woke up to a stabbing, tearing, ripping pain in my lower left quadrant.  It feels like my ovary is stuck to my lower intestine and my GI doctor said it probably is, from either Endometriosis or scar tissue and adhesions.  Now I’m dealing with the gastrointestinal consequences and it sucks.

The fatigue takes my breath away.  When they say that Endo can cause fatigue as severe as that experienced by those with end-stage cancer, they are not kidding.  It is real.  I can barely move.  I have no idea how I’m going to take a shower, shave, and get ready for this massage.

We have reached our goal of 100 followers!!!

Thank you all for following our story and helping to raise awareness for invisible illness and chronic pain.

I have a lot of ideas and goals to implement throughout the next few months and I’m thankful for our readers and fellow invisible pain warriors who make it all worthwhile.

💙💜Wishing you all a low pain level day 💜💙

Thanks to “painsomnia” I am awake in the middle of the night so I thought I would report on a slight recovery set-back.

I was doing okay, eating/drinking clear liquids, until today.  Well, actually I ate half a bowl of tomato soup and two crackers last night without incident.

I guess having not eaten (except liquids) in 72 hours caught up with me because on a whim I decided to eat half a bowl of potato soup followed by about half a bowl of Moosetracks 🍦 ice cream 🍦.  I only have one word for this choice – MISTAKE! Continue reading