Seeking Motivation

Attention fellow spoonies!  We are seeking your thoughts, ideas, advice, coping techniques, and wisdom!

We all know that chronic illness and pain (invisible or otherwise) can and will steal endless things from our lives.

Sometimes it can teach us a few positive things as well, such as a different outlook on life, the ability to appreciate the small things, a greater sense of compassion, more empathy for others, a desire to advocate for our ourselves and others, learning to listen to your body, better eating habits, patience, etc. but what chronic illness takes from us often feels like so much more (because the reality for most of us is that it takes WAY more than it gives).

As I have mentioned before, one of the most difficult and heart-wrenching things that it has taken from my life is the ability to look forward to something;  ANYTHING!  This seems to be a recurring theme and problem that I continue to struggle with.

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I’m really struggling with a lack of something, anything to look forward to right now.  In the past, I almost always had something to motivate me; some sort of reward for my hard work and perseverance.  I miss planning vacations, travel (my favorite thing in the world), weekend get-a-ways, spur of the moment road trips, camping, and canoe trips. I miss living. When I think about the past and remember doing all of those things that I enjoyed so much, that pesky lump in my throat starts to creep back in, my depression is triggered, and I often find myself fighting back tears.

My thoughts can get pretty dark when I think about the future.  When I think about the past, I can’t help but wonder what happened.  I mean, I know what happened, but I don’t understand WHY.  Maybe I’m still going through a grieving process for the life that I lost (my former self).  At this point, the only thing I can think of to look forward to is an end to the pain.  Will there be anything left afterwards?  Are there other chronic pain sufferers out there who fight this internal battle? How do you handle it?  Have you discovered coping mechanisms to make it easier?