I’m really struggling with a lack of something, anything to look forward to right now. In the past, I almost always had something to motivate me; some sort of reward for my hard work and perseverance. I miss planning vacations, travel (my favorite thing in the world), weekend get-a-ways, spur of the moment road trips, camping, and canoe trips. I miss living. When I think about the past and remember doing all of those things that I enjoyed so much, that pesky lump in my throat starts to creep back in, my depression is triggered, and I often find myself fighting back tears.
My thoughts can get pretty dark when I think about the future. When I think about the past, I can’t help but wonder what happened. I mean, I know what happened, but I don’t understand WHY. Maybe I’m still going through a grieving process for the life that I lost (my former self). At this point, the only thing I can think of to look forward to is an end to the pain. Will there be anything left afterwards? Are there other chronic pain sufferers out there who fight this internal battle? How do you handle it? Have you discovered coping mechanisms to make it easier?