Bloomin' Uterus

Suicide and Endometriosis has been a topic heavy on my heart for the past seven months (you can readSuicide & Endometriosis here).  Am I suicidal? No.  However,last year there were several EndoSisters who committed suicide.  And this year a few more have.  Too many.  But can easily understand their hopelessness: pain; no cure; the potential for multiple surgeries; regrowth; Western medicine, alternative medicine, natural supplements, snake oils, relief, recurrence, and the cycle starts all over again.  Not to mention a sense of being completely alone, misunderstood, misdiagnosed, mistreated by physicians, mislabeled as drug-seekers, fakers, and crazies.

I’ve been trying to think of ways that I can help. In a small way.  Or a big way.  And I’ve fallen short on ideas… But today I’ve learned of a group where Sisters with suicidal thoughts can go for help.  An old-fashioned phone-line group.  Yes, that’s right.  You can email, PM, or call…

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Clarification

Undiagnosed Warrior

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Misunderstood

There are many moments these days when I feel very misunderstood.  I have always been a little quirky and not exactly a social butterfly, who excels in human interaction.  Perhaps that is why I chose to stick with governmental accounting for my career.  There are no interpretations necessary when it comes to data. Things are almost always black and white.  Dealing with the social aspects of working with people however, is another issue entirely.

How much stress can a person endure before they start to break; physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically?

With every blessing or moment of progress and hope, it seems as though another pending disaster is on the horizon.

I have thrown myself into exercise lately because it is something I can control. A part of my life that I can reclaim and when I do it, I feel good, in many ways. It has been helping.

Despite that positive change, there are so many things that I cannot control and that is becoming obvious at this moment.

I’ve gone from feeling feeling strong, despite my pain, to feel feeling helpless and scared, once again.

I’m turning to Yoga and Qigong in an attempt to help. Hopefully they can eventually provide an outlet for my anguish so I can meditate through the destruction and ease this feeling of impending doom.

Maybe I will go to Unity Church tomorrow, where I take the Qigong classes. There are some crises and burdens that are to heavy to bear on our own. Sometimes I believe that only that only a higher power can help lift the heavy weight and help us carry it or help carry us when we can no longer carry ourselves.

Seeking Motivation

Attention fellow spoonies!  We are seeking your thoughts, ideas, advice, coping techniques, and wisdom!

We all know that chronic illness and pain (invisible or otherwise) can and will steal endless things from our lives.

Sometimes it can teach us a few positive things as well, such as a different outlook on life, the ability to appreciate the small things, a greater sense of compassion, more empathy for others, a desire to advocate for our ourselves and others, learning to listen to your body, better eating habits, patience, etc. but what chronic illness takes from us often feels like so much more (because the reality for most of us is that it takes WAY more than it gives).

As I have mentioned before, one of the most difficult and heart-wrenching things that it has taken from my life is the ability to look forward to something;  ANYTHING!  This seems to be a recurring theme and problem that I continue to struggle with.

Endo Fact of the Day – Day #22

Endo Fact of the Day – Day #21

I was 31 when I was diagnosed with Endometriosis. How old were you?

Endo Fact of the Day – Day #20

I pushed myself today and it shows.  I have been stuck in a strange and unusually lengthy pain flare-up for well over a week now.  I missed some work last week but tried very, very hard to work as much as I could.  In doing so, my energy levels are depleted along with my endurance and ability to cope with the inevitable pain and fatigue.

Today was a tough day.  I collapsed in bed minutes after walking through the door upon arriving home from work yesterday.  I slept straight through the night until around 11:00 am this morning.  Not even 15 hours of sleep can eliminate my fatigue.  Ever.

We attended a memorial service for a good friend today.  It was sad but it was more of a celebration of his life and in that it was also lovely.  Afterwards we joined friends and family at a restaurant for food, drinks, and good company.  Going out is such a rarity for us, due to my hubby and I both struggling with constant pain, along with my crushing fatigue, and of course, financial constraints.  We had a great time but I was eventually reminded by my body that I was pushing myself too far.  My hubby was too.

First of all, I wore clothing that was much less comfortable than usual, complete with high-heeled shoes, which I almost NEVER wear.  I also wore normal dress pants, instead of the loose fitting yoga pants that I normally wear.  After a few hours of standing, walking around, and socializing, my abdominal pain took hold and we had to leave.

Since then, I have been on the couch with my heating pad and a bad case of swollen endo belly, complete with seemingly endless GI symptoms which have prevented me from going to sleep.  I tried once but that quickly ended about 10 trips to the bathroom ago.

I don’t regret any of it though.  We had a nice time and most importantly, we were able to support a friend, while paying respects to another.

💖 RIP Orlis 💖

Thank goodness tomorrow is Sunday so I don’t have to work because it may very well be day light before I can get some sleep.

Endo Fact of the Day – Day #19