Is My Invisible Illness Visible?

I almost can’t help but find some twisted amusement, as my invisible illness (the namesake of this blog), seems almost visible these days.

There is no doubt that I have not been myself lately.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I am desperately struggling to function through heightened anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and all around emotional instability.

I seem to have lost all ability to control my emotions, and even worse, my reactions and the words which spew uncontrollably out of my mouth, unfiltered, and without prior thought or regard for my surroundings and others in my presence.  My stress level seems to have taken a toll and my body and mind are doing as they please, despite my constant resistance.

Not only are these changes in my personality visible (and often embarrassingly audible ~ LOL) to those around me, but my appearance has undeniably been going downhill. Continue reading

Wow! I REALLY needed to read this right now. I have been struggling with an all-consuming and suffocating guilt which literally takes my breath away at times. Most of my guilt and regret originate from mistakes that I made years or even decades ago but somehow I have always managed to hurt those I love and cherish the most and no matter how much time passes, the scars in my heart remain. Still even more of those feelings continue to rise out of situations over which I have no control.

My anxiety and depression are at an all-time high and the panic attacks that I managed to control for years have returned with a vengeance.

If I could drill the words of this quote into my heart and mind, perhaps I could over-power and move past the pain which haunts my heart and tortures my mind.

Positive Outlooks Blog

The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change so that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger but in wisdom, understanding and love. — Jennifer Edwards

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Bloomin' Uterus

11039139_662825227181071_4369078669983645988_nSuicide and Endometriosis has been a topic heavy on my heart for the past seven months (you can readSuicide & Endometriosis here).  Am I suicidal? No.  However,last year there were several EndoSisters who committed suicide.  And this year a few more have.  Too many.  But can easily understand their hopelessness: pain; no cure; the potential for multiple surgeries; regrowth; Western medicine, alternative medicine, natural supplements, snake oils, relief, recurrence, and the cycle starts all over again.  Not to mention a sense of being completely alone, misunderstood, misdiagnosed, mistreated by physicians, mislabeled as drug-seekers, fakers, and crazies.

I’ve been trying to think of ways that I can help. In a small way.  Or a big way.  And I’ve fallen short on ideas… But today I’ve learned of a group where Sisters with suicidal thoughts can go for help.  An old-fashioned phone-line group.  Yes, that’s right.  You can email, PM, or call…

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Indisposed and Undiagnosed

#1 Only the old get sick:
Illness does not discriminate.
We are fair game.

#2 Looks reflect feelings:
If you bumped into me in the street, you would not think that I was suffering.
I may appear to be okay, maybe a little tired, but on the inside my muscles are aching, my head is spinning, my stomach is churning.
What needs to be known is that I can leave my house looking decent, but feeling absolutely terrible.

#3 Stress reduction techniques cure illness (ie exercise, meditation, yoga):
When people hear that you are unwell, they assume that the things that usually provide average people with a better wellbeing, will help you. This includes Exercise, Meditation, Diet Change, Juice Cleanse & Detox, Yoga etc.
This is incorrect. I encourage the Chronically Ill to try these, as they may provide a temporary relief for symptoms, but they are not a cure!

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