Guilt & Small Victories

I have felt it on the horizon for days now and, without invitation, it’s here.  The excruciating Endometriosis flare-up that is becoming more and more frequent and is the one thing that I can count on to stop me in my tracks and bring my life to a stand-still for a 3 to 5 day stretch every 4 to 6 weeks.

Don’t get me wrong, the Endo monster is very much present on a daily basis, in one way or another.  However, flare-ups like this are a very different level of agony.

I am celebrating a small victory in the timing of this one, because it just so happened to start yesterday, which was Friday, at about 3:00 pm so it didn’t cause me to miss any work (yet).

At this point, I have made it 5 consecutive weeks without calling in sick.  That may not seem like much to a normal, healthy person but to those who work each day with severe chronic pain, debilitating fatigue, and a plethora of other unpleasant symptoms, making it through 5 weeks of work actually IS an accomplishment. 

I did have several doctor appointments during that time, most of which were last week, so I missed some partial days for those BUT I did work before and/or after each one and didn’t miss the whole day so I’m still happy with it.

What I’m NOT happy with is the fact that we were supposed to celebrate my Mom’s birthday this weekend by going to Crystal Bridges, which is an amazing local art gallery, but for several reasons, we had to postpone our plans. One reason is that my Dad, who we thought would have this weekend off, ended up having to work. My Dad is the hardest worker I have ever known and if he has a chance to earn overtime or double-time on Saturday or Sunday, he usually does it. Since my parents are saving money for their next cruise, he really couldn’t pass up this opportunity to work.

Another reason is the weather. It is cold and nasty outside this weekend and the forecast is calling for an inch or so of snow tomorrow.

Despite the weather and Dad having to work, Mom and I still could have gone to the art gallery together if it hadn’t been for my condition. Endometriosis (and any chronic illness for that matter) doesn’t care if it is a holiday, someone’s birthday, or the most important day of your life. It is always there and flares up whenever it wants to, no matter how much you beg and plea for things to go your way. That leaves me feeling guilty. My Mom will probably be home alone all weekend when we were supposed to be celebrating her birthday and the bottom line is that it is my fault. She would never admit that and would never make me feel guilty about it but I still do and it hurts my heart. 😦

Our plan is to try again next weekend when hopefully the weather will be better, hopefully my Dad will be off work, and hopefully I will be feeling better. Hopefully …

Now my goal is to try to rest as much as possible and endure the horrific pain that I will be dealing with for the next couple of days, so that hopefully I will have the strength to continue working my normal schedule without missing any days in the near future.

As my luck would have it, another heating pad just quit working. I need to start buying these things in bulk because apparently they are not meant for daily use. No matter how good I think my heating pad is, within a couple of months, it’s in the trash. I think it might be time to add heating pads to my birthday and Christmas gift wish list. It may not sound like the most “fun” gift but it certainly is practical for me and having extras on hand would prevent situations like this, where I don’t have one when I need it the very most and can’t leave the house to buy a new one.

❤ Wishing you all a low pain level day ❤

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