TRYING to Quit Smoking (again)

Yes, once again I am going to attempt to quit smoking. I have done it before and managed not to smoke for two years, before I caved under the stress of chronic illness and pain. Given my current level (off the charts) of pain, stress, anxiety, and depression, this is far from an ideal time to quit but my reasoning is financial rather than health related so I have to give it my best shot.

I happened to run across some deeply discounted nicotine patches at a local outlet store. They are expired and “step 3” which has the lowest level of nicotine available in the patch form, but they were only $3.99, so considering the normal price of patches ($30-$50), this deal was too good to pass up. 

When I quit before, it was at the time of my last laparoscopy for Endometriosis. I did it to speed up and help the healing process because after my previous surgery, the healing time was slow. I think it did help in that regard and I am very glad that I did not smoke again for so long.

However, the rate at which my health and my life seemed to spiral out of control shortly afterwards has left me with some associated anxiety when I think back to that time.

In no way, shape, or form did not smoking make me feel physically better. I was more sick during those two years than I have ever been in my life. Well, I guess I’m still just as sick because the problems which developed during that time never went away.

Regardless, I understand that everything that went wrong was most likely not a result of quitting smoking but rather a coincidence so I can’t let the association of those things and the bad memories scare me into not trying again.

I sincerely hope that, if nothing else, smoking less (or not at all) will help heal the endless sore throat that I have had for most of this year. I’m sick and tired of searching for deeply discounted throat spray (another thing I can’t afford) and ingesting all of the artificial coloring and other bad ingredients that it contains.

Wish me luck and also my loved ones, friends, family, co-workers, and anyone who happens to be in my presence during this difficult and highly irritable time. 😉

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